I’ve never written a blog before. I’ve never been one for journaling, either. I guess there comes a time when a person thinks, “Maybe this should be saved for posterity?” or, “Maybe other people will find this interesting?” or, “Maybe this information can help others?” Then, ruminations begin. Or at least, that’s how it happened for me. And I ruminate—I’m a planner. I wasn’t about to jump headfirst into this thing without giving it a certain amount of thought. So I thought. For six months, I thought and didn’t write a single damn thing. And then I thought, “What are you waiting for?”
This blog series is my chosen platform to share my story with the many who have expressed interest in it. It is an honest story of passion, love, music, death, and self-discovery. I want to emphasize honesty here, because I think there are a lot of things we are socialized to be secretive about—or embarrassed by—in the classical music world. It is my story, and I’m not asking anyone to like it. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. I do have to write it, though. Because maybe it should be saved for posterity, or maybe others will find it interesting. It would make me feel incredibly warm-and-fuzzy to know it helped others.
I’m a classical musician, but I think my life experiences are similar to what many twenty-somethings are going through in this day and age. Scratch that. I think my life experiences are similar to what anyone looking for a fresh start has experienced in the past. Let’s talk about it, get it out in the open, and not be ashamed of it. What is there to be ashamed of, really? It’s just life. There are 7.6 billion lives on this earth right now. And that’s just humans! Life is incredibly common, yet we only have one for ourselves. Why would you want to spend one more second of yours living anything but your absolute best, most ecstatically charged way? We only have to learn from the past to build a better future. And if you’ve messed up somewhere along the line, BOOM, you have already completed one experiment in the big science project called Living Your Best Life. What can you learn from those results?
I’m not sure where to start. Maybe from when I took a leap of faith and moved to Texas to start my career as a real-life adult. Or when I dropped everything and moved 3,000 miles away to Alaska? I could start there, just five months ago, and still have an action-packed story. Or maybe from last spring, when I was devastatingly disappointed by the results of my second round of grad school auditions? Further back. The year before, when my then-boyfriend had a big career move to Alaska? The year before that, when I started my masters and the journey to live my best life? Way back in undergrad when I developed a performance injury? Even further back in high school when the expectations for my career really started ramping up? Have you ever had a moment of clarity, like, “Of course I ended up here, because of x, y, and z!”? I guess what “they” say is right: sometimes you have to take a seriously big step back in order to view things with clarity. In order to see the big picture. Maybe you have to move your unemployed self back in with your parents and visit a psychic. I guess that kind of vision helps you see the big picture too!
Are you intrigued yet? Well, buckle up because it’s a wild ride!